Thursday, January 1, 2015

New Year, Same Old Me

It's a new year, folks.  A new year, and resolutions are flying faster than a speeding train.  I'm sure many have already derailed.  I would like to make resolutions--I really would--but I can't remember from one minute to the next what I've resolved to do.  Therefore, I'm going to make it really, really easy for myself and write it all down.

1) I will kiss my husband every day.  Preferably several times a day.  (<<<<<<TOP PRIORITY!!  I get grumpy without kisses!)

2) I will hug and kiss my children daily.  Except the teenagers, because, well, they're teenagers.  And one is currently out of reach.

3) I will be the best me I can be, which is not always the same.  Some days have better "me" potential than others.

In reality, I'm not resolving any of those things, because I've discovered that when I resolve to do something, my mind automatically turns it into an Obligation and a Chore.  I do much better when I take each day as it comes and go with it.  And the thing is, we're beginning a new year, yes, but it's only one day later than yesterday.  One day at a time, all we're allotted here.

What that means is, I'm still me.  I was Me yesterday, and I'm Me today, and I will be Me tomorrow, if all goes to plan.  I'm not magically going to change into some perfect rendition of myself just because the date changed.  All I can do is continue on, learning and making mistakes and making an utter fool of myself and apologizing and forgiving myself and occasionally begging forgiveness from others.  And trying each day to be a little better than the previous day, because Mama Needs Patience and Mama Needs To Be Understanding and Mama Needs To Spend More Time With Children, and it doesn't happen all at once.

Truth is, some days I'd happily move to Siberia in the winter, if it just meant I could have some peace and quiet and time to myself.  Why, yes, I'll give you all my Cassandra Clare books and a pretty dress if you'll just keep my children for a week.  I'll even throw in several pairs of earrings that I can't wear because piercing my ears didn't work.

The point is, if every day I'm doing the best I can--even if the "best" some days is sitting huddled on a couch, trying to keep my eyes open--then there's no need to make new resolutions.  I'll just keep doing the best I can every day.

Oh, and apart from half my household being ill, I had a fabulous New Year's Eve.  I managed to eat most of my dinner (over the course of 1 1/2 hours), I had lively conversation with Savanna and Fletcher (not Renn), Savanna and I toasted each other at 8:30 with Martinelli's in pint jars, the littles were asleep by ten o'clock, and I actually made time to sit down and write.  Here's to a lovely new year!